Sex, Love, & Marriage

Life in Christ

Published: March 23, 2023
Post updated: February 16, 2024
By: Brian C Jenkins

Warning! This six-part series is for Christians who are true Christ-Seekers! This is not for the faint of heart. The following information is designed to shock us to the core to gain a greater awareness of the spiritual battle surrounding us daily. This information is meant to make us think and change our minds! Please stop and pray for knowledge, understanding, wisdom, insight, and revelation. The goal is to understand how to see our lives through the eyes of our living Lord Jesus.

What can we learn that is not common at this point in life? This blog would not exist if typical arguments were enough to quench the thirst for biblical knowledge and truth our generations have desperately sought to attain. So, let’s deep dive into what sex, love, & marriage is according to God’s Word.

What is Marriage?

Marriage publicly recognizes a legally binding, covenantal agreement between a man, woman, and God. This union is witnessed in front of God and man. As Kingdom Citizens, we acknowledge that Jesus brings us together according to the will of our Father God. Therefore, the couple desires to share their lives with Jesus as he is head over the couple’s union.

… and he brought her to the man

Genesis 2:22b

What is the purpose of Marriage?

One of the traits of marriage is the sacred bond between two complete and unique individuals. God’s intention for marriage is to join a couple in a loving relationship to replicate Kingdom Rule and Authority. We must understand that marriage was not created to be simply a tradition but a divine appointment to publicly declare a couple’s love with each other and their willingness to surrender to Jesus our King. It demands absolute commitment, selfless sacrifices, and unyielding devotion. Through marriage, couples are empowered to navigate life’s challenges together, share in each other’s joys and sorrows, and lay the foundation for a lifelong journey of love and happiness. Why?

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Genesis 1:28

We were made to rule. No matter the circumstance or situation. We are blessed to rule and be fruitful while we rule. We are blessed to rule, be fruitful, and multiply God’s image to subdue the earth.

In a perfect world, we are to be equipped by God to grow in the fruit of the spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self-Control, armed with the Word of God (Jesus) to replicate the Lord and his love wherever he sends us.

This is why we can not take God out of marriage. In Jesus, we are blessed with a divine mandate. It is assumed that the couple understands and declares this at the wedding altar to make it legal before heaven and earth.

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. You were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit when you believed.

Ephesians 1:13

When we first become believers, we are given the seal of the Holy Spirit. This seal is a promise from our King. We are given the Holy Spirit to prove we are sealed for Christ. Likewise, the marriage covenant is also sealed with rings as proof to everyone that no one can separate those whom God joins together.

What is sex?

Now that the marriage has been completed, it is time to act on the declaration in front of God. To understand sex, we must go to Hebrews 9:16-18

In the case of a will, it is necessary to prove the death of the one who made it because a will is in force only when somebody has died; it never takes effect while the one who made it is living. This is why even the first covenant was not enacted without blood.

Hebrews 9:16-18

Marriage declares that the will of a man and woman is to surrender to God’s will. Sex is the man entering the woman, breaking the veil, shedding the blood, signifying the death of being alone. They become one flesh. One needs the other to share and produce life. This happens on the altar called the marriage bed.

The new covenant promised by Jesus did not go into effect until blood was shed. The same is true with a newlywed couple. The breaking of the hymen is the shedding of blood to put the promises and purposes of God relating to marriage into effect.

Therefore, sex is the physical recognition of the covenant made at the altar before God and man. This is why we hold marriage with honor and the bed undefiled. It is meant for the couple to remind each other to love, work, and share their lives, as witnessed and declared at the altar. Finding a spouse is our chance as men and women to be faithful to God and each other. Resulting in the ability to be fruitful and multiply. In other words, blessings are free to flow.

Sex is not love, and love is not sex! It is possible to be in love without sex. It is possible to have sex but not be in love. Believing that sex is love or “making love” is a terrible teaching and lacks biblical discernment. No wonder the enemy has been able to practically turn the church on its head regarding sex, love, and marriage. Although sex is an expression of love, it is not necessary to share life. However, it is necessary to create life.

The Pleasure of Sex

If sex is a reminder of the marriage covenant with God, witnessed in front of man, for the purpose of procreation, does that mean blessings won’t flow if we have sex for pleasure?

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. 

1 Corinthians 7:1-6

To understand the pleasure of sex, we must understand Paul’s perspective on the subject. The first thing to realize and acknowledge is that we, v5, have a self-control issue. Paul said, v6, that some of us struggle with sexual immorality.

As human beings, we have a tough time controlling our urges and desires. As a matter of fact, rebellious angels took advantage of sinful men and inhabited them to have sex with human females. This act produced offspring, the Bible says, who were the Heros of Old. In other words, the generation from all that rebellion was mighty to men. However, the rebellion (sin) filled the earth from God’s perspective.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul made a good point about sexual immorality.

When a Christian is having sex outside of God’s will, he sees it as committing adultery against him.

As a result of the action of love, their bodies will be sacrificed on the altar called the marriage bed. Blood is spilled on an altar. For what purpose? To share life. When this happens without Christ, it is a form of idolatry.

Myth: If you love me, you WILL have sex with me.

Obedience to Jesus is the highest expression of love for the couple

Sex is an expression of love

Sex without God’s authority means two selfish people using each other to fulfill their own needs. Sex with God’s authority means the husband expressly fulfills his wife’s needs. The wife also fulfills the needs of her husband. Take away sex, and this principle still applies.

Sex is the reminder of the vows made at the altar in front of God and man. The physical mechanism bonds (yokes) the couple together to share each other’s lives.

To yoke with a person means to share a burden through servitude. Think about the couples we may know who, after a while, stop having sex for different reasons. A lack of understanding can cause a person to do to each other physically what we commonly do to God spiritually. We run! We divide and disconnect in our minds well before we admit out loud that we have a problem. In other words, we allow ourselves to separate though we are legally and covenantally bound.

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then, come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:5

Notice Paul says not to deprive each other unless by agreement to devote each other to prayer. He states that sexual immorality is dangerous, even among believers. If couples feel like they can’t turn to each other to help with their self-control issues, they will deprive each other due to a lack of understanding. However, that is the exact position Satan looks for the couple to get in. Suppose the couple unknowingly denies each other without acknowledging each other in love & respect. In that case, one or both will eventually turn outside the marriage due to a lack of self-control.

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:2

The answer is always to communicate and work to share life with each other and Jesus Christ.

Let’s think this through. What is the main reason we date without sex before marriage? We date to discover a simple truth. Does the other person try to solve life’s situations and problems independently, or does that person seek God in all they do? It can take a few events to figure this out, but if the other person is consistent, don’t wait too long to enter into a covenant with God and each other. Especially if we burn with passion in our hearts.

When we view this from God’s perspective, it’s not as difficult to understand how to have the right attitude and outlook regarding this topic for ourselves and others who are in Jesus.

Pause… Communion?

It is written…

In the same way, he also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord.

1 Corinthians 11:25-27

It is also written…

Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all share the one loaf.

1 Corinthians 10:16-17

Notice, Paul didn’t say communion is a ritual, a tradition, or a light-hearted howdy doo. It’s the sharing of Christ’s blood and body. Remember, he suffered so that we could be delivered. His blood carried the new covenant or agreement. Jesus said he conquered this world through true love by laying his life down for us. True love is laying your life down for another. Jesus fulfilled the old agreement (The Law). He shed his blood on the altar (The Cross), which created a new covenant.

And he said to them, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.

Luke 22:15

Jesus is excited to share his life with us. Marriage and sex go hand-in-hand, like communion and the cross. This is why it is said repeatedly that Jesus is the bridegroom and his church is the bride. The cross brought about our freedom. If we take communion seriously and share our lives with him, he will honor the new covenant that sin is no longer the issue. We come to know this as we learn to walk by faith.

Let’s put this all together.

Marriage is where a couple becomes one in the presence of God and Man. How? By publically declaring that death, hell, Satan, and his entourage have no power over the couple because Jesus is their Lord.

Sex in the marriage bed is the physical action that brings the declaration, the covenant, and the freedom together we have in Christ to be obedient, fruitful, and multiply.

Communion is where we as believers become one or share with Christ in the presence of our Father God and Man. How? By the proclamation of Jesus’ death. That death, hell, Satan, and his entourage have no power over us anymore because Jesus defeated the forces of this world.

The cross was where Jesus allowed his blood to be spilled so that we can have the freedom to be in the world but not of it.

How do we know our marriage is covered by Christ Jesus?

It is written…

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking, and envying each other.

Galatians 5:22-25

The Holy Spirit produces specific fruit in our lives. Paul said we don’t have to worry about the law if we let the fruit of the Spirit grow. How do we do that? Those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. What does that look like in marriage? Let sex be used to keep married couples accountable within their own wedding. Keep sharing life and crucify all passions and desires hindering or pulling the team away from each other. A married couple in Jesus can have all the powers and desires they want for each other. But we are to put to death even the thought of going outside Christ or their marriage. Let us not become conceited (pride in ourselves), provoked (being annoying or irritating), and envious (feeling discontent or resentful because we want what everybody else has) with each other.

In other words, love one another and share your marriage with Christ; he will bloom the fruit of the Spirit, which is a sign that he agrees with the union. Remember, Jesus also promises blessings to help couples advance God’s Kingdom Agenda.

I know what you’re thinking. What if my spouse and I didn’t come together as God had intended? I understand that God doesn’t recognize all marriages. Then, who is over the marriages of those who leave God out of it? Be on the lookout for part two of this six-part series, where we will deep dive into what a marriage without God looks like.

Thank you for reading Sex, Love, & Marriage. Please share and leave a comment. Let me know how God has been blessing your Life.