Red Flag! Part 2
Post updated March 16, 2023
By: Brian C Jenkins
1 Samuel 16:10
“Is it OK for Christians to date?”
Diving deeper into the topic of relationships, it occurred to me the topic needs to be addressed in a way that brings God Joy. To answer the above question, let’s look at the physical aspects of dating.
A genuine friend & life partner.
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Is this not what we all long for?
To love and be loved?
The Physical
Personality: This is the very first interaction we come across with people. It is the sum total of a person’s soul. The way they express their mind, will, and emotions. A person’s personality is personal. No one automatically thinks, feels, or does things the same way. The uniqueness of an individual can be either attractive and appealing or somber and dull.
When exploring who a person is, it is important to not concentrate only on beauty. The Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 that beauty is fleeting. Without trying to change you, can that person love you when the outer appearance can no longer keep up with your spirit? Vice versa, without trying to change that person, can you see yourself loving that person even when the outer appearance no longer keeps up with their spirit. I’m not just insinuating growing old. I mean if God forbid, an accident happens, or something that would render that person helpless.
I know this is a hardcore question in the beginning however, it is the hard stuff that proves the character of a person. One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He says, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in times of comfort and convenience but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy. Give the relationship time to see each other in different types of trials. It’s when you see the consistency that you can start to feel comfortable with a person’s words and character.
God said a woman that fears him deserves to be praised. In other words, a woman that believes in God. Not just in hearing but in action. *See The Good News.
DO NOT and I mean DO NOT go based on a person’s physical appearance alone. Charm is deceptive! What is charm and what does it look like. According to dictionary.com, it’s the power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty. Everyone should know what that looks like…
Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause, you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you.
You know what you would look really beautiful in? My arms.
I’d say, ‘God bless you,’ but it looks like he already did.
The Bible says God doesn’t perceive men and women the way we look at each other. He looks at the heart. Look at the heart of the person to who you are attracted too. That means you have to get deep. Don’t be afraid to ask tough questions. Don’t get upset in answering them. Be firm, have courage, and be faithful!
You look to find out if the person you’re courting walks in a way that shows they are Salty!
Once you are able to see the evidence of Christ in their personality,
it’s time to find out the kind of person they are.
Character: A person’s character is basically the quality traits that make up a person. Specific attributes that a person represents in a virtuous, moral way or lack thereof.
As Christians, we must figure out the following; does he or she truly love Jesus or are they blowing hot air through their lips? Does this person understand that they are a Kingdom Man or Woman? Are they actively seeking to advance the Kingdom of God or do they say they love Jesus yet do nothing? I’m not talking about perfection, I’m just saying are they willing or open to trying?
You can’t say you know someone until you learn how they think and act in different situations. I’ve met countless amounts of people over the years, who get wrapped up in the power of first attraction or first love. It can happen in a very intense way and when it does, it’s easy to dismiss red flags. See Red Flag! Part 1. The kind of red flags that if you were to see it happen to your son or daughter, you’d be ready to intervene with FIRE!
First, you can NOT change a person. They have to be willing to change themselves. Even if what we see in that person seems a little off, if we gently point it out, how will they act toward us? Don’t just know where they stand, but how they stand. Make sure the why behind their actions makes sense to you without ignoring any warning signs.
Second, the person should have boundaries just like you. Why? We are looking to see if that person has self-control. The Bible says a person who lacks self-control is like a city whose walls are broken down. That means the enemy can come and go as they, please. If there are no boundaries, then there is no self-control. Therefore it is very easy for the enemy to come into the relationship with a focus to distract from the truth of Jesus Christ. See A Thought to a Stronghold.
Third, does the person have a tie to their past or are they looking to grow into the future? In other words, are they living by Faith or by Sight? A tie meaning, is he or she hooked to their past either through love or bitterness in an uncomfortable way? Is the person so entrenched in traditions that they can not or openly refuse to see your vision? Does the other person understand and practice forgiveness? This is important because knowing a person prior to dating will tell you a lot about what they do in hard times.
For example, let’s create a fictitious scenario. Meet Sally. Sally has been flaunting on Instagram that she is a flirt and loves attention. Meet Tom. Tom has a love for video games. Tom and Sally run into each other at a grocery store and hit it off. Let’s say fall in love and get married. Three years later, the first love effect starts to wear off and troubles come their way. If times get too difficult to handle together, Tom will retreat to playing video games and Sally will retreat to going back to being a flirt on IG. Why? That was the last thing that made them happy before they agreed to try living together.
It is detrimental to find a partner who not only loves Jesus Christ but believes in the power of prayer. That way, when things get difficult, each person will much quicker to retreat to God (Blessings) than to run from him (Curses).
If you find a person who fits all the above, you won’t really notice the boundaries. You’ll find that you have a partner who is encouraging and has an uplifting spirit. A genuine friend & life partner. Is this not what we all long for? To love and be loved? Just remember to make sure to practice being true to yourself. No matter the kind of relationship we enter into.
Genuine Love and Respect!
To go back to the question, should Christians date? The answer is a resounding YES! Just remember, before ever thinking about dating a person, filter that person through the Word of God and use the boundary steps in Red Flag! Part 1 as a guide. My prayer is that as believers in Jesus, we continue to learn to mirror what God has already said about how to be relational for his Glory and our good.
The question is, why keep trying to do things on our own when we know that comes with a price?
That’s a Red Flag!
Do it God’s way!
Thank you for reading my Blog. Please leave a comment and let me know how God has been blessing your life.
God bless you and yours. Stay Salty!
Amen
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