Red Flag! Part 1

Post updated March 15, 2023
By: Brian C Jenkins
1 Corinthians 15:33-34

“Is it OK for Christians to date?”

Christian dating has come up in my conversations more and more lately. One of the echoing themes I have encountered for those of us who just got out of a terrible breakup; prior to thinking about dating again, it is necessary to take a break. There is nothing wrong with taking a break. We just have to make sure during our break that we seek Jesus to grow. Otherwise, we’ll find ourselves stuck right back in the same mess as before.

If it’s been a while, it can be nerve-wracking. If you and I see too many Red Flags, we must be able to bow out and give God praise for getting us out early instead of through so much heartache and pain. Let us not be scared to stand up for ourselves and for Jesus.

To answer the question, let’s look at some Spiritual Boundaries.

If a man or woman says, “Just wait because I will.”
Then wait until they do. However, don’t confuse their intent as a green light to give into their advances or you’ll regret when they don’t.

#Jenkinscorner

The Spiritual

When I thought about boundaries, I was very careful to incorporate God’s Word. I don’t like doing things without knowing why, so the following list is a culmination of reading and understanding what God’s Word says in multiple situations.

All of God’s people should have very similar Basic Boundaries.

1. Pray together!

As young kids back in the 90s, there were times my brother and I wanted something more than what we would receive on a normal basis. In our house that usually meant getting something special to eat. We realized that it was harder for our dad to say no when we united to ask him for something special, than if we went individually.

Prayer is approaching the throne room of Grace to talk to the Father. Jesus said anything we ask for, it will be given to us but only if it is according to God’s will. No one can get to the Father except through Jesus, therefore we pray in the name of Jesus because Jesus intercedes on our behalf. The Bible says when two or three gather in Jesus’ name, he will be in their mists. That means if those who are gathered are approaching the throne room, in the name of Jesus, he will be there to acknowledge and agree according to God’s will.

Point: God’s people should know the power of corporate prayer. Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean, no prayer. On the contrary, we pray with anyone who acknowledges The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We don’t exclude prayer just because we like someone. As awkward as it may be in the beginning, praying together should become a habitual standard. It’s one thing to feel awkward but make an attempt. However, a flat-out, continual refusal should indicate it’s time to, throw the red flag!

2. Know who you are!

If we have to chase a person down for them to spend time with us or to just be interested in the first place, throw the red flag. We are worth way more than mediocre. It’s one thing to agree together that one or both parties involved are busy, or one or both parties acknowledge a degree of difficulty in spending time with each other. However in all scenarios, you and your opinion matter. Don’t hunt after a person to prove your self-worth. *See Identity Crisis.

3. Respect an established relationship!

I don’t care if the situation is a couple who is already married, separated, or ‘It’s complicated’; you throw that red flag and walk away. Don’t be a complication, I don’t care how you feel. What child of the Living God wants to be second to anybody, anyway? There is no life, hope, or future in that. Walk away, block the number, no goodbye speech, no looking for closure, let that person go and be gone! Trust! Proverbs 7.

4. Do not rely on Charm and Beauty!

Now I know this is a tough one, but the Bible says fools have loose lips but the wise think things through. Everyone reading this needs to understand that commenting on physical features SHOULD NOT be a standard outside of dating. Pay attention to their heart, and character! How would you feel knowing that your soon-to-be was so loose with the lips, telling everybody how delicious another man or woman is or was to them? That’s a RED FLAG! Life and death are in the power of the tongue and letting that go opens doors to more junk. We must learn to discipline our tounges and show our special someone that they are the only apple of our eye.

5. Sex is off the table!

A Kingdom Man or Woman won’t try to get into yo’ draws. That’s a BIG RED FLAG!
Don’t even entertain it. Don’t wait until the bedroom to realize things went too far.
Have that conversation at work, school, the park, or at your momma’s house.
Get out of the habit of thinking, “Well what if this or that?”
Stand up for God’s program! He promises Blessings!
Say it loud and say it proud…
“I will not have sex before marriage and I will not change my mind!”
*Let’s Talk About Sex & Which Cup do you Choose… Coming Soon.

6. No one but no one comes through your threshold except believers.

This can be a very difficult subject to understand if conditioned to think ‘love your neighbor’ means, doing whatever it takes for everybody and anybody. Although the concept is a fundamental principle, there is a way to protect yourself. John warns in 2 John 2:10 that unbelievers should not be invited into your home. Why is this important?

First, let’s look at what Jesus says about people. In Matthew 13:37-39, Jesus explains the meaning behind his Parable of the Weeds. He explained to his disciples that the good seed stands for the people of the kingdom. The weeds are the people of the evil one with the enemy being Satan. We have to know that if we let unbelievers into our homes, we are allowing whatever demonic influence a person has infiltrated our homes. Remember, it is Satan’s mission to steal, kill, and destroy. When dating, the last thing you want is an ambassador of Satan with the spirit of the anti-Christ in your house. Why? The very first thing that the enemy will try to do is get you distracted to plant an idea that will cause you to disregard God in order to cause yourself to ignore the Holy Spirit and enter into a curse. What does that curse look like? See A Thought to a Stronghold.

Second, believers are more prone to help bear with each other. As Christians, we seek to learn how to prophesy to each other in order to strengthen, encourage and comfort one another. We can see evidence of the Holy Spirit in their fruit. If a believer displays a Christ-like character, then we can enjoy love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control; which against these things there is no law. In other words, you don’t have to worry about them.

Please understand, I did not say it’s wrong to leave your home and interact with an unbeliever. How else are we to share the Gospel? To love our neighbor as ourselves? Jesus said to GO and make disciples.

Point: There are two kinds of people who we can and should let into our homes. Those who trust and believe in Jesus Christ by Faith, and those we minister and witness to. Outside of that, meet them outside somewhere. Church, Starbucks, Wal-Mart, anywhere else. You can not change a person. If they are heavily concentrating on your physical appearance or intentionally going after your desires, throw the red flag and don’t let them in your house. A true disciple of Jesus will interact with you far differently. Less pressure and more peace.

7. Both parties MUST have something to put on the table.

It doesn’t matter how good-looking a person’s physical attributes seem to be. It doesn’t matter how slick their speech flows out of their mouth or how they, “make you feel.” If they have nothing and are not actively trying to better themselves, throw the red flag.

If a man or woman says, “Just wait because I will.”
Then wait until they do. However, don’t confuse their intent as a green light to give into their advances or you’ll regret when they don’t. #jenkinscorner

Tweet

Some people go through extraordinary life situations. Hey, things happen. Only God knows why they happen.
A person doesn’t have to be rich or own a house, or yacht, or be a part of the Chess Club.
If that person does nothing but play video games, sit on Facebook, or Instagram, smoke, drink, party, and care nothing about their bills, their kids, or responsibilities watching TV all day…
No ambition, drive, or longing to do the bare minimum…
Think about it, you need someone you can trust so that when hard times come, (and they always do), they will know to fully equip in God’s Armor, be fast to pray, trust in God, lead by example, share the burden, and helping in every way possible. Marriage is not the place to find this out!
That’s a Red Flag. We find this out while dating.

What is dating to you?
What is the point?
What does it look like to you?
What is required of a man or woman with whom we want to share our lives?
What is the vision?

Ask questions before ever agreeing to be someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend. Find evidence that what they are saying is valid without tearing them down. Mistakes can be made. Grace and Mercy can be exercised but for a person to be stagnant means you throw a RED FLAG!

Read Red Flag Part 2 to gain further insight into the question, should Christians date? Just remember, before ever thinking about dating a person, filter said person through the Word of God and use the above boundary steps as a guide. My prayer is that as believers in Jesus, we continue to learn to mirror what God has already said about how to be relational for his Glory and our good.

Thank you for reading my Blog. Please leave a comment and let me know how God has been blessing your Life. If you need prayer for anything, we currently have a group called Christ Seekers on Facebook. We have prayer warriors that will not only pray for you but help if you need help even if just to point you in the right direction.

God bless you and yours. Stay Salty!

Amen

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